Sa mata ng isang mahirap

March 16, 2008, linggo ng umaga. Sabay ng masayang parada sa daan sa pagdiriwang ng Araw ng Dabaw ay dahan dahan naming tinahak ang daan patungo sa kung saan maaari kaming makahagilap ng jeepney. Sarado kasi ang ibang mga kalye upang bigyang daan ang parada. Lima kami, 4 na estudyante at isang guro namin. Hindi siya isang guro sa paaralan, ngunit itinuturing namin siyang guro dahil sa kanyang malawak na kaalaman.


Pumasok kami sa Gem Village sa Maa, napaisip tuloy ako. "May mahirap bang nakatira sa isang village?". Ngunit, tuloy pa rin ang aming paglalakbay hanggang sa umabot kami sa isang malayo-layong komunidad. Agad na sumalubong sa akin ang isang babala na nakapaskil pagpasok mo sa komunidad na iyon. "WARNING: Ang lugar na ito ay under the litigation of the law." Ano yun? Anong ibig sabihin nun? Yun pala, sa kabila ng maraming mga pamilyang nakatira doon ay hindi nila pag-aari ang lupa. Maaari silan paalisin doon, sa madaling sabi.

Umabot kami sa isang pamilya na nag boluntaryong ampunin kami. Maliit lamang ang bahay ngunit mahangin. May konting kagamitan, munting kusina at sala. Iyon ang bahay ng pinuno ng kanilang komunidad. Sa gilid ng bahay ay may posong pinagkukunan ng tubig ng buong komunidad. "Communal Property" ika nga ng aming guro.
Matapos naming magpakilala ay agad naming nilibot ang komunidad. Namangha ako sa dami ng mga bahay na naroroon. Maliit ang mga bahay at malapit sa isa't isa. Mas namangha ako sapagkat mga Muslim at Kristiyano ang nakatira doon. Walang away. Masaya silang nagsasama-sama doon.

Umabot kami sa bahay ng isang nagngangalang Romeo. Nagtatrabaho siya sa isang kumpanya na kung saan kumikita siya ng 29 centavos per coconut. Isa din siyang lider ng isang "union" noong 1986. Malungkot ang kanyang naging kwento. Naging pinuno siya sa isang union noong 1989, na ikinamatay ng maraming mamumuo. Napakababa ng kanilang sinusuweldo at wala pa silang benepisyong natatanggap. Kulang na kulang para sa kanyang asawa at tatlong anak. Minsan nga daw ay nagagalit siya sa kanyang sarili dahil hindi niya maialis sa kahirapan ang kanyang pamilya. Kasalanan ba niya yun?

Tanghali na kung kaya't bumalik kami sa bahay, nanood sa laban ng pambansang kamao. Pinanood ang kanyang pagkapanalo at isinumpa ang pandak na nagdiriwang sa puntong iyon.
Sa kabila ng kahirapang naranasan ko sa komunidad na iyon ay hindi ko naramdaman na kapos sila sa pangarap na maialis ang kanilang pamilya sa sitwasyong iyon. Mga gahamang kapitalista,at mga trapong nanunungkulan sa pamahalaan ang siyang nagiging dahilan upang patuloy na umusbong ang kahirapan sa ating bansa.

Marahil ang naranasan ko ay hindi pa ang tunay na mukha ng kahirapan. Marami pa ang namamatay dahil sa gutom, nagnanakaw upang mabigyan ng magandang kinabukasan ang kanilang mga anak. Nawa'y mamulat na ang lahat upang huwag laging isipin ang sariling kapakanan, kundi ang kapakanan ng nakararami.

it's over!

haha. at last, exams are over and it's time to welcome summer vacation! woohooo.
and right now i am trying to learn DOTA. as in! haha. this is for real. no jam. no joke. i used to defy this game. USED TO. haha. past tense. now, i am craving and addicted to it. haha.
not a negative addiction. (may ganun ba?) anyway, gutom na ako. haha.

I made this on January 3 (i think). I really hope I can do all of these successfully. ^-^

1. BE PHYSICALLY FIT

• do some exercise bebeh!
• close thy mouth and minimize food intake!

2. BE GRADE CONSCIOUS

• study daily..
• STOP PROCRASTINATING!

3. ORGANIZE PERSONAL THINGS

• make a weekly planner.
• arrange study table, cabinet and drawer DAILY!

4. BE THRIFTY/ SAVE MONEY

• NEVER ever buy something out of WANT!

5. BE GOAL-ORIENTED

• be focused
• enough with childish acts

6. BE THOUGHTFUL

• to family, friend and God!

7. READ A LOT OF BOOKS

• i mean A LOT of essential books!

And so that ends my short list of resolutions. 75% of my being tells me that I would be able to do all of them. hahaha. it's good enough, don't you think?

update! update!

wow, it feels good to be back! it was like ages ago when i had my last blog. ooohhh.

let's start with my academics. DEPRESSING! haha. (i still have the courage to laugh). i received my grades and I felt like shit. really. well, they are not disgustingly low (i still managed to be on the dean's list), but somehow i got really really furious of myself. mediocrity. i know i could have had better grades but i let mediocrity and procrastination get in the way. i was dead lazy during prelim and i curse myself for that. midterm is now on progress and i swear i won't sleep until i have read and memorized every single detail of the subject matter!

second, is my new year's resolution. I MADE ONE. haha. (i'll post it next time) i swear i made one. i didn't have resolutions for the past 3 years or so maybe because i used to believe that it is totally a waste of time and effort. plus i know that it would come to a failure, so why make one? haha. but i happen to change my mind. all of a sudden, i felt like i need to change for me to become a better individual. one boring and cold night, i found myself thinking about what will i become in the future and what have i proven so far. and there was nothing. totally nothing. i don't know if i could really reach my goals and i couldn't even give myself an applause for something extraordinary about me or something essential that i have done. there is really nothing about myself that i could be proud of. so sad but true. so that was the hellish night that i found myself in need for a personal change.

next, love life, flirty life or whatever (you got the point, right). well, frog prince is dating somebody or i guess they are together now. i'm happy for them. but i just can't help but say to myself "WELL, HE DOESN'T KNOW ME YET! WAIT TILL HE GETS TO KNOW ME AND HE'LL BE TOTALLY INTO ME!" hahahaha. what a funny thing to say. enough.

lastly, my christmas and new year celebration. well, it was fun. i celebrated with my family (of course) in our province, Nabunturan. Once again, i failed to complete the misa de gallo. what a shame. Well, there were few firecrackers that made noise and brightness on the dark streets of nabs. I ate a lot and i mean A LOT. haha. the class resumed on January 2, 2008 so i didn't really had much fun during our new year celebration. but generally, i was happy.

who i am hates who i've been...

i am faced by a lot of dilemmas, hatred, confusion and fear.

i don't really know how to act on things. things are different now. i have gone through what i did in the past and realized that i was really really really (what?)... dunno.. i can't seem to find a word that would hit the bulls eye. i love my life. i did a lot of mistakes and i am not proud of them. i mean, mistakes are healthy for we learn a lot from it, but mine was terrible. there are times when i wish that they would all disappear from this planet and that they never existed. i am hopeless, i could say. but i am trying so hard to make things better. (at least) i am trying to be a strong girl. and i will be. i will not fail myself ones more.

what now? i hate some people. yes. i don't know why. but i can't seem to forgive easily. i do not hold grudges that easily. i can take jokes. but when someone really gets into the inner me, i couldn't seem to get them out of my being. yes, i can really be mean if i want to and if you really deserve it. beware for i do not easily forget people who ruins my fortress.

i can do nasty, stupid, spontaneous and crazy things. yes. just being real. i am tired of always pretending to be nice. i can be, but not always. i love myself, friends and family. so don't you ever hurt any of them for i will break every bone you have and i will make sure that the world will close its curtain on you.

2:18am

yes, it's actually early in the morning and i am still online. i can hardly sleep so i decided to make paper works, update my blog, read a novel (the book was with me for 3weeks now, yet i am still on the 13th page), and stare at the monitor for a few minutes and then go back from the very beginning.

things have been very hectic and very confusing for the past 2weeks. overload. i still have to direct our drama in literature, lead a bunch of students for the PE day, make concept papers for the rocked concert and leadrship training, schedule things, busying myself for the student's summit, FYSEC organization, being a First Year Representative and a STUDENT as well. see? that made me look so mature than my age. i hardly have time for myself. i am actually enjoying being busy, but my academic grades are at stake. they are not actually very low, but i have my own goal in the future wherein i need to be always on top of everything. but then, my situation right now is not allowing me to.

i am actually learning a lot from this very experience of mine. i got to be socially aware, manage my time efficiently, value my education even more and having compassion to people and to everything i do. i have learned to speak up and be a real member of the society.

there are still a lot of things that i don't understand, but then experience will be my mentor as i go on with life.

17 :)

i did another sinful thing.

i spoiled myself and ate a lot. A LOT.

i had a dose of chocolate barSS, 2 cones of ube-mango-choocolate trio ice cream, 3 cones of caramel butterscotch, the super delicious sizzling pusit (my all-time favorite!) and lechon manok. well, i don't really need to be guilty cause it's the most beautiful day in the whole year. ^-^

i had my mom buy me all those. hahaha.